his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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