He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
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