Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
