i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
