I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize
