Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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