god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
