Please, let me fuck your mom
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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