if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
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