I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Also, beer. Big fan.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Randomize
