I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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