Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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