did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
