I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
