You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
