Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Plan B is the new Plan A
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
