I cannot find my penis.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
