i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
