Jerry, you need to find god
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
