We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
