I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
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