I CAN MOONWALK!
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
