i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
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