You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Randomize