Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
you never un-have a 4some
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
