If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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