so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
