My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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