if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
