it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize