I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
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