I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
