fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
