How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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