He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Randomize
