im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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