Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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