I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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