k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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