nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
