His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
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He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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