Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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