last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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