Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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