We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Pooping to opera.
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