I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
