The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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