ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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