Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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