and you said cock pushups were impossible
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
