does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
should my penis look like a turkey
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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