All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
No stitches, just platelets and will power
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
