a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
