I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
