the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
