Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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