I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
