What a fucking waste of an outfit
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Randomize
