I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
