When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
