People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
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You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
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whose ass print is on the piano?
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
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