Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
