God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
