New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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