Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
