walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
