I feel like I'm in dance class right now
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Randomize
