i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
