You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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