It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
two words: eviction party
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
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