guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
