He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
